QuickTrace

The grab-and-go trace. Run this once and it does everything: enables xp_cmdshell, creates a trace in the master database's folder named QuickTrace.trc, attaches the full set of standard tuning columns to RPC:Completed, SP:Completed, SP:StmtCompleted, SQL:BatchCompleted and SQL:StmtCompleted, starts the trace, waits for the run duration you set at the top (default ten minutes), stops and closes the trace, reads the whole thing back with fn_trace_gettable, and deletes the .trc file via xp_cmdshell so nothing is left behind.

exec sp_configure 'show advanced options', 1
reconfigure
exec sp_configure 'xp_cmdshell', 1
reconfigure
go

declare @RunDuration nvarchar(255) SET @RunDuration = '00:10:00'

declare @rc int
declare @TraceID int
declare @TraceFileName nvarchar(255)
declare @tSQL nvarchar(1024)

select top 1
    @TraceFileName = Substring([filename], 1, Len([filename]) - CharIndex('\', Reverse([filename]))) + '\QuickTrace'
from
    sys.sysfiles

exec @rc = sp_trace_create @TraceID output, 0, @TraceFileName
if (@rc != 0) goto error

declare @on bit
set @on = 1
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 10, 15, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 10, 8, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 10, 16, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 10, 48, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 10, 1, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 10, 9, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 10, 17, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 10, 10, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 10, 18, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 10, 34, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 10, 11, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 10, 35, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 10, 4, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 10, 12, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 10, 13, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 10, 14, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 43, 15, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 43, 8, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 43, 48, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 43, 1, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 43, 9, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 43, 10, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 43, 34, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 43, 11, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 43, 35, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 43, 4, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 43, 12, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 43, 13, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 43, 14, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 45, 8, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 45, 16, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 45, 48, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 45, 1, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 45, 9, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 45, 17, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 45, 10, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 45, 18, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 45, 34, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 45, 11, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 45, 35, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 45, 12, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 45, 13, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 45, 14, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 45, 15, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 12, 15, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 12, 8, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 12, 16, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 12, 48, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 12, 1, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 12, 9, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 12, 17, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 12, 10, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 12, 14, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 12, 18, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 12, 11, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 12, 35, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 12, 4, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 12, 12, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 12, 13, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 41, 15, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 41, 8, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 41, 16, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 41, 48, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 41, 1, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 41, 9, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 41, 17, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 41, 10, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 41, 18, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 41, 11, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 41, 35, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 41, 4, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 41, 12, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 41, 13, @on
exec sp_trace_setevent @TraceID, 41, 14, @on
exec sp_trace_setstatus @TraceID, 1

waitfor delay @RunDuration

EXEC sp_trace_setstatus @TraceID, 0
EXEC sp_trace_setstatus @TraceID, 2

set @TraceFileName = @TraceFileName + '.trc'
select * from fn_trace_gettable(@TraceFileName, default)

set @tSQL = 'del "' + @TraceFileName + '"'
exec xp_cmdshell @tSQL
goto finish

error: 
select ErrorCode=@rc

finish: 
go